An open letter
to the one who
broke my heart.
You know, you have always been my one great love. You showed me something that I didn’t see in anyone. You’ve always seen my positive side, the ones that the crowd would rarely see. A different side of me, a different perspective of my self, a different me. I’ve learn to trust you, in any ways possible. Supported you, even if the support isn’t much needed. Gave myself up for you so you could feel whole again. All of this I have done just so you could feel and see that I am here, with open arms, willing to take you back over and over and over again. I still remember how I cried over you in the rain. I felt the sky crying for me for I can no longer shed anymore tears for my eyes can no longer weep. I felt the whole world crashing, bits and pieces. I felt everything, I felt every tiny atoms inside of me falling apart. It hurts to know that you are gone and that you can never really come back. It hurts to know that I have lost myself more than I have lost you. You have taken away everything from me because you knew it was all for you and you have given yourself the freedom to catch my broken pieces so you could fill up your own empty ones. And now, five years have passed, I feel a little better than before. You have found your missing piece. While I’m here also trying, trying, and trying to find what could possibly fill the empty spaces in me. You’re still you, I heard but I don’t care anymore. You talk to me through messenger but it won’t bring up the pain again. The rain won’t make me cry again. And I guess I have finally decided to choose to let go of what’s holding me back to be happy and it’s not you after all, it’s the fear of being not good enough for someone.
“You could have loved me better if I had loved myself more” – he whispered.
Written along blurred lines
Our story may have been.
Back and forth, my love
You cannot change what is deemed.
You seem to be cold with me
Yet I know I was the one to blame.
I once was warm and happy
Now I’m heartless and in pain.
It’s been a while since I’ve updated anything here in the blog. I’ve been having a hard time balancing my time for my day job, school and the blog. I’ve been wanting to write about so many things, so many places and food and so much more. I’ll make it up to you guys 🙂
I hope you have no problem with balancing your time too, set your priorities and plan ahead. A good way to achieve something is to have a plan.
Will be posting soon! Thank you & I love you ❤️
Ps, here’s what the beach after sunset looked like:
Love, Tim 🍉
All good things must come to an end and every ending is a new beginning.
A new chapter has been added to my life. At first, I was hesitant, unsure and perhaps was scared. I was never really a people person because I was trapped in my own safe haven which I created for my self preservation.
Opening up to others, making the extra mile to have a conversation or even just taking the effort to ask for a selfie is not really my forté. I’d like to stay in the sideline, and just observe and just wait for my eco-system to be altered, for the better, I guess.
All of this changed, not entirely but gradually. I’ve learned that YOU have to be that person, that YOU have to make that effort to reach out and begin what’s needed to begin. Learn to adjust with everyone but not to the extent that you will let your guard down and just let them see right through you cause remember that preserving your mystery is the key and a superpower like invisibility.
Cliché as it seems, change really is the only thing that is constant in this world and I like that. I don’t define myself as an introvert nor an extrovert cause maybe I’m a mix of both. Making new friends — never that easy. It’s like giving away a piece of you that they can trail and in return you will receive a part of them too. We all are really kids at heart, we can make friends as easy as that even if people have different sets of attitude, you may or may not like it but you just have to live with it because that’s how it goes.
With this, I have come to realize and was able to piece together what making friends mean. It is making the most of the similarities that we had, understanding the differences (especially the “Ilonggo” language — which I think is really cool and really soothing to the ears) and creating a bond out of this formula that would eventually be unbreakable. Hopefully.
Will forever treasure the two boat rides, six cabs, eight jeepneys, countless trips to the elevator and the spiral stairs, not to mention the mind twisting traffic and the sleepless nights I had to go through because of exams, foodtrips and random coffee nights. The few places that made me feel touristy. Also keeping in mind the free food served every after an hour and a half or two, the crazy boomerang videos and the ENDLESS selfie ops. Not to forget the accomodation that made us feel like we were Rajahs and Ranis on vacation. It has been a pleasure training with you!
Alvin Timothy Tan
TTP Batch 4